The Hole Inside - Abandonment

Originally posted May 29 2025: We are officially caught up, and all blog posts going forward will be new content.

Book Three in my eco-romantasy series is The Unbearable Melt. It’s in the hands of my beta readers, so I’m free from rounds of editing, for now.

Book one was rage, book two was sorrow. The emotional theme for this one is abandonment, coming through as parental abandonment, loss of love, loss of tribe (or pack), forgotten lands, and the slip of our connection to the Divine.

Who hasn’t felt abandoned at some point? It can happen on so many levels.

I focus on two relationships in the story. First is Simmi and Simon, aka the Drifter, aka a name you’ll find out (it would be a spoiler to reveal it here). They’re sweet together, and they’ve been blessed by Mother Kokuro, the oyster goddess who is the epitome of love, and on the surface, it’s great.

But like many empathic people, Simmi tries to absorb his pain for him. She tries to fill that emptiness he carries.

Whoops.

Through doing this, she becomes exhausted, drained, and suffers. He doesn’t realize she’s doing it, thinking everything’s fine, and her company simply makes him feel better. He has this gnawing hole, and she’s shoveling her soul into him, not understanding its his to fill.

Oh my. Emotional catnip.

People might pour their hearts into fixing us, but then it feels cloying and manipulative because we aren’t doing our own work. This can become codependent and eventually, painful. If the person doing the shoveling gets frustrated and leaves, well… perpetual cycle of abandonment and feeling unwanted for the person with the void.

The second relationship is between Gray and Jacoba, his lover who left abruptly without explanation. Ghosted. Gray is left wondering what the hell happened, and tries to fill in his heartbreak with superficial flings and work. It’s a common response, and on the outside, the ‘abandonment hole’ looks full. But it’s like you’ve thrown a tarp over it to show you’ve healed, it means nothing, you’re over it. But you’re still empty on the inside.

Grab your shovel and roll up your sleeves. It’s the only way.

Ideally, we find something healthy for these lonely spaces. Love, connection, wholesome foods, laughter, joyful movement, creative expression and appreciation. Not always easy. Not a clear path.

I have The Holstee Manifesto on my wall. There’s one line that says, “If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love.”

The Love of Your Life. I don’t think this is a singular person. I think this is “love” in the broader sense of loving yourself and all your weird little quirks, and finding people to appreciate and celebrate your oddness.

This is connection, but we have to take the first step. Go to the yoga class, go to the writer’s group, find a kayaking partner, join a hiking meetup. Find a community of people and maybe one or two or twenty will stick. You love yourself through them because they want to see you thrive. They aren’t doing the work for you. They’re cheering you on.

But Andie, I’m shy, I’m weird, I’m awkward with strangers. I’m a beginner, I’m too this or too that.

So am I. Go anyway.

This takes courage. For months I avoided the local writer’s group because I was nervous, a newbie, a fraud. Ridiculous, really. I finally went and found a warm group of people who enjoy the same thing as me. They were welcoming, encouraging, and interested. Maybe next month, I’ll have the courage to stand up and read a bit from my book.

Maybe.

Probably.

Ok, fine. You’ve talked me into it.

It will be good for me. My heart will pound in my throat, and my voice will wobble, because even though I took a course on public speaking to get over my fear of it, I’ll likely fumble. But I’ll grow.

When we examine our internal Swiss cheese, the places we are desperate to fill, we have the opportunity to make choices that move us forward. It’s that or stay stuck.

Our only job, our only solution is to pick up the shovel and fill these places ourselves.

And once we’ve done that, we can plant flowers.

*******

The anticipated release of The Unbearable Melt, Book Three, is the end of July, assuming all the moving pieces fall in place.

The Mermaid’s Wrath, Book One, is enrolled in a StoryGraph giveaway until June 18th. It’s a GoodReads alternative (run by women) for people who like to track their reading and discover new books.